Fighting Fair with Words

That all couples argue is no secret. How will they do it determines whether it will prove fatal to their relationship. Here are some tips from experts:

DON'T - TUNE OUT OR GO OFF TRACK

INSTEAD - Listen & Respond

You may think that you are listening, but are you really? Couples who argue think that they've heard what the other person has to say many times before, so they tune out or start thinking of what to say next to win the     argument. Try to understand the emotion involved in what is being said.It's not about winning the verbal duel but solving the problem & try rephrasing the key points of the argument and conveying them to him. Not only will he know that you were listening to him, but it'll help you remember too.

DON'T - BEAT AROUND THE BUSH

INSTEAD - Identify the problem & address it
If you're arguing about something your man did, stick to the issue. Don't drag your neighbor's dog into it or dredge up what happened last week, the week before that & so on. If you are upset about something, identify what it is  & convey your feelings directly always keeping to the point.

DON'T - ATTACK HIS PERSONALITY

INSTEAD - Adress the problem/situation

>If something about your man irritates you, don't say 'you are irritating' say 'What you are doing is irritating me'. Use 'I' & 'WE' rather than 'you' & 'your' which sounds accusatory.

DON'T - ABUSE OR GET PHYSICAL

INSTEAD - Be civilised

DONO't - LEAVE THE ARGUMENT HANGING
INSTEAD - Resolve it and always apologize at the end.

Never go to bed angry. It'll not only disrupt your sleep, but you'll probably wake up more irritable and have even worse time. Always make sure to apologize after wards, whether through actions or words. It doesn't mean you were wrong; it just means you are sorry you hurt him.

DON'T - HIT BELOW THE BELT

INSTEAD - Know your limitations

Marital fights are mostly about hitting where it hurts the most, it is very difficult to fight fair, especially when you're trying to prove a point. Instead of focusing on how you can get back on him for something he said, focus on keeping yourself within bounds.

DON'T - DRAG OTHER PEOPLE INTO THE ARGUMENT

INSTEAD - Keep it between two of you

DON'T - EVER ARGUE IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS

INSTEAD - Excuse yourself or ask your kids to leave the room

Fighting infront of the kids is your marriage and life from all disturbances.

-Mrudula